


Bad decisions

by orphan_account



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24063466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sick of being used by Damien, Eric let's it slip that he used to have feelings for him. Damien is surprised and realises that he might also feel something for the young Van Der Woodsen. But is it too late for redemption?
Relationships: Damien Dalgaard/Eric van der Woodsen
Kudos: 7





	Bad decisions

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know why I felt compelled to write this in the middle of the night but whatever. Based on S04E14

Eric sat down on the bench, waiting. He looked around. No sign of him. He realised that he might not even show up. He pulled out his phone and checked his last texts to Damien.  
  
 _08:42AM_  
  
 _E: You don't get to just walk away after what you did to me._  
  
 _E: Corner of Holly Drive and 42nd Street. 10 o'clock sharp._  
  
 _D: Fine._  
  
Eric didn't even know what he was gonna say when he showed up. He was just so mad about what Damien did. He trusted him. He... cared about him. But it was all just a game.  
  
"Hey."  
  
Eric turned. He saw Damien. He just stood there, hands in his jacket pockets. Just looking at his face made him furious. Damien took a couple steps and sat down next to him.  
  
"What did you call me here for?" Damien asked.  
  
Eric stayed quiet. There was so much he wanted to say. To let Damien how much he had fucked him up. But... the words didn't come out. Damien turned, looking him directly in the face.  
  
"I said, what did you call me for?"  
  
More silence. He didn't even look Damien in the face. Because then he'd have to face everything Damien had meant to him over these last few weeks.  
  
"Alright, that's it, I'm out of here," Damien said. He got up and started walking. ' _Last chance_ ' Eric thought. And he said the only thing he could think up.  
  
"Why?" he asked. Damien stopped. Then he looked back at Eric.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Why me?" Eric said. "Why did have to pretend to care?"  
  
"I already told you why. To get to Ben."  
  
That wasn't enough for Eric. He needed more. Some sort of confirmation that whatever they had... mattered.  
  
"I just wanna know. Did you ever actually care? Everything I told you, all the time we spent together, were you just using me the whole time?"  
  
Now it was Damien's turn to stay silent. He looked to the side, at his shoes, everywhere except Eric. That just made Eric more mad. He got up and looked Damien right in the face. That, all the feelings from last night came rushing back. The feeling of stupidity when Damien told him the truth. The shatter in his chest when he walked away. All the tears that streamed down his face when he tried to go sleep.  
  
"Look, you're a nice kid, Eric, but--"  
  
"No," Eric interrupted, rage building inside him. "Don't patronise me like I'm some child. Don't you get it? I was at my lowest and I thought you were there for me. I cared about you. I fucking loved you! But... you're not worth it. I know that now. Goodbye, Damien."  
  
Eric tried to walked past Damien but he grabbed his arm.  
  
"Eric, wait."  
  
"Don't touch me!" he shouted, yanking his arm away. "I never want to see you again."  
  
Eric turned and walked away. Damien just stood there. It took him a minute to process everything Eric had said.  
  
 _"I fucking loved you."_  
  
His own father had never even said those words to him. In fact, now that he thought about it, no one had. Love hadn't mattered to him. It wasn't part of who he was. But... Eric actually loved him. And he just used him. He didn't know what he had expected when he first encountered Eric but it wasn't this. But then, as he started walking back to his hotel, he realised he wanted to fix things. He wanted Eric to care. He needed him to. He didn't want to go back to having no one.  
  
 **THE NEXT DAY**  
  
 _01:29PM_  
  
 _D: You're right. I never should've used u like that. I'm sorry. I want to fix this. Meet me?_  
  
 _03:31PM_  
  
 _D: Eric, please! Just hear me out for a sec and if you really want me gone, I'll disappear forever._  
  
 _E: No. As far as I'm concerned, you're already dead to me. There's nothing you can do._  
  
 _D: I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself if I don't make things right._  
  
 _E: I don't give a damn about your redemption._  
  
 _D: Look, I just wanna talk. If u don't like what I have to say, I swear to never bother u again. My hotel room at 5?_

Damien got no response. He held out hope that Eric would show up. But as the clock ticked to that dreaded moment, he decided he'd need some liquid courage. He opened the cabinet and popped open a bottle of whiskey. He poured some into a glass and downed it all at once. He looked at the clock: 04:46PM. 'Gonna need some more' he thought. He reached for the glass then shrugged and drank straight from the bottle.  
  
 **05:32PM**  
  
Eric knocked on the door. He knew he would regret this decision from the moment he left his building. But Damien's pleas had gotten into his head. He couldn't stop thinking about it. He finally cracked and went to meet him. But he took his time. He'd be damned to let Damien have his way.  
  
When no one answered Eric pushed the door open. At first the room locked empty. He felt stupid once more, that Damien had tricked him once again. He was about to turn around when a voice called out.  
  
"Who there?"  
  
Eric turned and saw Damien's head poke up from the other side of the bed.  
  
"Eric!" he shouted, with a gleeful grin.  
  
"What the fuck, Damien?" Eric said. Damien tried to stand up and slipped, breaking the bottle of alcohol in his hand.  
  
"Careful!" Eric shouted. He kneeled down to pull him off the glass and helped him onto his bed. He grabbed a couple tissues to remove the small shards stuck in his hand and wipe off the blood.  
  
"Why did you text me if you just wanted to get drunk?" he asked.  
  
"I wanted... wanted to tell you... wow, you look pretty, babe," Damien said and he giggled, reaching toward Eric before he slapped his hand away. And seeing that drunk dazed look Damien's face just made Eric come undone all over again.  
  
"I can't believe you'd do this to me," Eric muttered, trying and failing to keep the tears from falling down his cheeks.  
  
"Hey, hey, don't cry," Damien said. He reached over and wiped away a tear with his thumb. "I'm sorry," he said. "I never wanted to hurt you. I love you."  
  
Eric heard those words and hated them. Because they weren't real. They were just the meaningless words of a drunk asshole. But, maybe, just for tonight, he could pretend they were real.  
  
And so, when Damien leaned forward and kissed him, he didn't fight it. He let him run his hands over his body and start unbuttoning his shirt. Damien pulled him onto the bed and Eric's legs straddled Damien's hips of their own accord. Damien kissed him from his lips to his neck. Eric let out a moan, so lost in the feeling of Damien's touch. He never wanted that moment to end.  
  
"I love you."  
  
Eric froze, the words hitting him like a freight train. Damien hadn't seemed to notice he'd even said them. And that's when Eric realised how... wrong it all was. This - caring about Damien - was exactly how he got himself in this mess. And that's when he knew it needed to end.  
  
He pulled away, looking Damien right in the eyes.  
  
"I wish that were true," he said. "But if you truly meant it, you would never do this to me." Eric got up and walked away.  
  
"W-Wait, Eric," said Damien, trying not slur his words. "Please, don't go. I need you."  
  
Eric looked at him, lying on the bed, and knew what going to him would be: a mistake.

"Goodbye, Damien. For good this time," he said. He walked out and shut the door behind him. And he never looked back.


End file.
